Somehow, when starting this entry – which I wanted to at least be mildly
interesting, or at least more so than the typical entry – I found it hard to
come up with fitting words.
   I feel like I should have a
better idea of what to say, but maybe it’s just because it’s not
easy finding words that can both commemorate the entire past year and welcome this new
one.
   As always…I’ll do what I can and hope that things will come out okay in the end.


   Hello, 2008.

   Even though you’ve long been expected, I still feel that you took us – or at least me – a bit by surprise.

  
Looking back now at 2007, it seems that despite the sheer volume of
events that the year had in store, in the end it would all be compacted
into just the most significant spans of time, a few distinct parts that
include: the end of freshman year in college, which was a generally acceptable end to the start of a new chapter; the China trip, a fast 30 days spent living, learning, and experiencing in a foreign but familiar country; CSC 2007, the very definition of an amazingly unforgettable week; and the start of sophomore year in college, which so far…has been coming along.

  
Time feels like it’s been moving a lot faster than it ever has, but I’m
pretty sure what’s actually happening is that we’re becoming more aware
of its passing. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have said that time was
moving quite as quickly. But then, a few years ago, I might not even
have noticed, and besides time didn’t matter as much then. Moments
didn’t have the same meaning or importance that they do now. Things
were, as they say…different.
   Everything nowadays, even a lot of what used to be familiar, seems new and a
bit different. If it just means that I’m paying more attention to things and am just more aware, then I’d be satisfied.
  
Now when time looks like it’s flying, it just says that I realize that
each hour in each day has the possibility of so much more. However that
time’s spent, it’s gone, so all we can hope for is that it’s been
well-spent.
   Each moment…precious.

   Resolutions…what
kinds of things can I resolve to do, that I haven’t already written in
some other entry, or told to a friend, or told myself? Hmm…I guess
there are a few.
   Since a bit after the return to CSC as an AC in
2005, after being taught a bit of (and subsequently forgetting) the
samba, I’d been interested in dancing – and since Rutgers conveniently
offers a large selection of dance-related rec classes, come spring
semester I’ve already been planning to sign up for and this time follow
through with some classes – ballroom dancing (probably salsa/cha-cha,
whatever else might be recommended or seem interesting), break dancing,
the like. Resolve to learn some kind of dance, mostly for my own
amusement.
   I feel like I should spend somewhat less time in front
of the computer screen unless absolutely necessary. Not like my life
revolves around the computer, but uh, it seems that it’s become the
fallback option in-between other things. Maybe I just mean, take more
breaks when at the computer. Resolve to do that.
   I’m sure in
previous years, even though I might not remember, that I always resolve
to work harder. Resolve to do all the reading I’m supposed to do.
   I should really normalize my sleep schedule, but I think that’s not
happening until I can deal with myself. I guess that’s in the works too.
  
Need to perhaps, move forwards in some ways. But yes, working on it,
sorting it out thought by thought, day by day, week by week. Things can
change pretty quickly.
   And finally…finding equilibrium. Maybe that’s a lifelong thing, though.
  
The difference between knowing and doing can be pretty big sometimes.
For the most part, I know what needs doing. But…finding the
resolve…myself?
   We’ll see.

   A pretty high bar has been
set, in a lot of ways, by some events in 2007. Hahaha, I guess as usual
the trouble stems from myself, mm? But I can’t help having high
expectations from myself and those around me, even if those
expectations aren’t always met. But when they are met, even
exceeded…hasn’t the trouble been worth it?

   My feeling
right now is that 2007’s going to be hard to top. But you know…I’ll
try not to expect too much (psh yeah right) and maybe, like with 2007,
I’ll end up pleasantly surprised.

   Happy New Year.

  
Sincerely, as always, from a thought-full, thoughtful…child…with a
possibly subconscious flair for the dramatic, a busy mind, and above
all a desire to improve himself and those around him.

   Cheers.


It’s taken a really long time, struggling to sort thoughts and emotions, fighting to walk forwards, but I finally understand:

   At the bottom of each word, thought, and action, now and then, was
nothing less than the deep and previously unrealized desire to fill the
emptiness; the sincerest wish for a close friend to share the silence
with. Understand, that in the end that’s all it’s ever been about, and
nothing else has been more important. Nothing has ever meant more.


   Maybe I’ll look back at all this in a
few months, maybe a year, or more, and wonder how such a small thing
could have such a large impression, how anything could affect me to the
point where months later I’d still be thinking, learning, growing…how
it could make such changes. From what I understand, though – it’s the
big things that make the lasting impressions.

  
   I resolve to do all I can to keep my closest friends, and to find
out what’s needed to make myself a friend worth keeping.

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