Trying Hard to Study on a Cold Night

…studying is not going well.

I’ve been finding all sorts of creative things to do to avoid studying and essay-writing. For example, this might sound familiar:

Trying Hard to Study on a Cold Night.

Whose desk this is I fear I know
His life is likewise cluttered so
Seems half-time mess and yet part-clear
More junk comes fast but cleaning’s slow

My watching friends must think it queer
I walk along some path unclear
I’m not sure what of life to make
Part-lost and searching still, I fear

I give my nodding head a shake
To try and keep myself awake
Alert to sleep is no big leap
But drifting off’s a sure mistake

The bed looks friendly, soft and deep
But I have promises to keep
And hours to go before I sleep
And hours to go before I sleep.

Hahaha…I’m really really bad at this studying thing. Actually shouldn’t be laughing. >_<

back to “studying.” hellllp.

what to do, how to do

hmm, I think I’m kinda at a bit of a loss here as to what exactly I need to do and how I need to do it. It’s about 6:30am and I’ve just woken up from a mostly planned nap on the couch. I don’t think I’ve been up at 6am since like…I don’t know. Reminds me of high school, getting up around this time to eat and wait for the bus…thank goodness those days are done.

The “good” thing is that I haven’t been awake until now, but the bad thing is that I think I need to stay awake from now until uh…Thursday night, on account of a midterm and essay, neither of which I’ve made much progress on.

Not keeping up with readings for this Western Traditions/Machiavelli class just might kill me here, I think…and as for the essay, I can toss together a mediocre one in about a day but I don’t think I even have that time. Holy smokes.

Throat felt really sore after waking up, still sore now and I don’t know why. The apartment’s certainly warm enough, I really really hope I’m not getting sick again. I’m drinking a few packets of those “Emergen-C” vitamin things…it says “Super Energy Booster” and I think that’s exactly what I need and will need.

To be done: pick an essay question from the three chioces, for Pol & Culture; and then, outline most of the essays for the Western Trad. poli-sci class.

That ~6hr nap of mine was incredibly needed and welcome, but I’m still tired, just want to sleep.

Just need to start, I guess.

i can’t wait til thursday night, when this is all done…i’ll be in one of two places: badminton courts playing badminton, or my bed, sleeping.

>_< here goes nothing.

ohbleep alarm

   I’ve been starting to think that I have a built-in ohbleep alarm – some kind of internal sensor that wakes me up a few minutes before I need to be out of bed and in a class, or a few minutes after the start of some class.
   This kind of thing has happened a few times before and usually works like this: I eventually go to sleep sometime at night or early morning, after setting multiple alarms; those alarms might wake me up enough for me to turn them off and consider getting up; then usually I opt to turn them off and then make the FATAL mistake of laying back for “just a moment”; and then “just a moment” mysteriously turns into a few hours.
   Enter the ohbleep alarm. Now, I don’t think it works 100% of the time, but on certain occasions where I might miss class due to the above circumstances, I’ll inexplicably wake up (despite usually not having gotten enough sleep) either a few minutes before class–translating to a mad dash to the bus stop and a lot of hoping that I only miss a few minutes of class–or I’ll wake up some amount of minutes after class has already started, translating to a mad dash to the bus stop and a lot of hoping that I don’t miss all of class.
   I guess I’m somewhat glad for this ohbleep alarm thing, but all the same, it puts unneeded strain on my heart, I think. Definitely not a good thing, and it’s entirely because this semester I just have such trouble getting out of bed…argh.

   Despite the midterm and essay I need to attend to, I make the time to tap out this entry b/c I got out of my psych midterm suspiciously early…I think I finished the 50-multiple-choice scantron exam in like 20 minutes or something, so I’m a bit worried, but as I’d already spent time puzzling over each question, no point in staying, so now I’ve got around another 50 minutes before my next class.

   This weather…miserable. Yesterday night, leaving the library, didn’t expect it, and this morning it was worse than last night. And snow and sleet too…whaaat. The boots and rainjacket I’m wearing are now two of the things I’m most glad to have invested in. Next is a pair of water-proof pants…no joke.

   I wish I had some more time to write a few more things. Hmm maybe during a study break later, can write a separate thing about college lethargy, loneliness, etc.

   Time’s flyyyyying.

I’m thinking I might be up for the majority of the night, have a midterm for comparative politics at 9:50. I really have to try not laying down, and/or drinking some tea…have been drinking more tea recently.

Haha so a bit earlier one of my roommate’s friends dropped by, and as he was leaving the roommate noticed a picture of his missing, and was sure that his friend had taken it from his wallet. Eventually the friend leaves, insisting that he didn’t have the picture, and the roommate stands inside, muttering about why his friend would take his picture.

Me: How did he get it?
A: It was in my wallet that I left on my desk, and I saw him take it and put it into his pocket!
Me: …I don’t understand the relationship between you guys.
Ah [calls out from other room]: Gay.!

Hahahaha..

busyness on the horizon

Catching up sounds really good…looking forwards to it.

   So i was writing stuff into a handy organizer that i carry, and I realized that these next two weeks are going to be chock full of midterms and the like. Two exams this week and two more plus an essay in the next, means that badminton practice time is going to be at a premium, which isn’t good considering that we’ve got around 3 weeks before the competition at Princeton, and almost none of us are prepared.
   Not that any of us have seen Princeton or NYU play before, but we figure that because they’ve at least got established badminton programs (versus Rutgers’ “growing” program), they have an advantage…not to mention that our grad students keep saying that they hear the other teams are good.

   But Tues night, need to study for Wed & Thurs, then Wed. need to study for Thursday’s exam. Friday, have multiple events to do, hahaha…Reach out and Read event til 5, Lion dance performance for a charity show at around 9pm…I’m even skipping badminton practice for that.

   At last Friday’s practice, talking with Derek (one of our instructors,
graduated from Rutgers last year) and a few other guys about details
for 11/9:
Derek: Is it a friendly competition?
Me: Well, it’s not unfriendly.
   
Haha…how much better can we get in three weeks? Monday night, got in a few hours, but need many more.

   Tonight: study for another ~30min then sleeeep.

full circle.

   It took me a lot longer to get started on this than I’d originally planned. First hw, then sending out badminton-related emails, then an unplanned ~30min advice session to a roommate…threw off my schedule a bit.

   It occurs to me that maybe I could write this any time today, but I think the truth of the matter is that if I don’t write now, I won’t write this, ever. At least, not today, and today would be the only time I’d write this. I still like things to have some kind of meaning.

   Hmm…I still don’t know if this is a “good” idea or not. And I don’t really have much of a plan, if I ever have any. But I think I’ll give it a go. Worst that could happen is, after all…nothing.


Dear friend,

   It’s been a fairly long time since the last time we communicated much. Life has been going on really quickly.

   I guess I just wanted to write a bit–in part to you and in part to myself–to note some of the things that’ve been going on, and whatever thoughts happen to drift into mind.

   Hmm…so CSC08 has been done and over with for more than a month now. I remember writing a pre-camp kind of entry, but I just never managed to sit myself down and write an actual entry about camp. I think the farthest I got was just putting pics up on Facebook.
   The week was interesting as expected, and I guess a few of the more notable events include: on Wednesday night, there was a frantic search for a “missing” depressed camper who was in reality sitting with me on the bank of the lake – the story with that is basically that one of the C boys was feeling pretty down, so I went to talk with him and we ended up taking a walk, ended up at the lake. His brother, an AC, was with us too, and eventually he went back, and I told him to tell my ACs where we were. This, as you might guess, is where the breakdown in communication starts, b/c after he goes back he collapsed crying to Mike Kondo, who relayed something of an ambiguous message to the other ACs…and they, being concerned for the camper, started their own search. But to shorten the story, they eventually found us sitting on the lake, and in the end the camper, seeing the concern that his friends had for him, was much better.
   Another thing is, immediately before the Friday dance (kids’re dressed and everything), one of my kids choked another badly enough that the choked kid was making weird noises when he was breathing, soooo…infirmary time. To shorten this story too, despite the scare, both kids ended up ok.
   It was a fast week.

   Beyond CSC…I dunno. I went to NYC/Flushing a few times with a few friends, which was pretty fun. I feel that I can actually navigate around the subways now without getting myself lost immediately (you might be surprised). The rest of the summer passed by quickly, and before I knew it we were moving back into college.

   College this year has been interesting. Last year I’d been drafted into presidency of our Badminton club, so this year so far we’ve been working hard at improving Rutgers’ badminton program, building it (back?) up to a competitive level.
   I guess it’s coming along – we have our first tournament on November 9 at Princeton, and I think NYU is attending too. My thought is that our team is going to be in trouble, haha, but at the same time I’m pretty excited. No matter what our final scores are, it’ll have been a learning experience.
   So badminton is something that I’m definitely more involved with now, and it’s been good in more ways than one. Not only am I staying in shape, but I’m interacting with more people. Keeps me busy outside of schoolwork, and I guess I need some of that.
   I never much liked being idle and I think so far this semester I’ve had very little “idle” time, whether it’s doing hw, badminton, visiting friends’ dorms, other clubs…in general, it’s a good kind of busy.

   Class-wise…after the first few days, I ended up dropping two classes and…picking up three. As one of my roommates said, that might’ve not been the best idea, and yeah, it’s kinda busy. I’m taking two Chinese classes (Chinese Poetry and Readings in Modern Chinese Literature), one psych class (Industrial/Organizational psych), and three poli-sci classes (Culture and Politics, Comparative Politics, and Western Traditions/Machiavelli). I’m pretty sure my Chinese Poetry teacher (who teaches dense material and is hard to understand) thinks I’m lazy/fool/both and my other Chinese teacher (who’s actually very cool) probably thinks I’m some kind of idiot. Not without reason, I guess, haha…my inability to read simplified Chinese is made worse b/c I’m just not good at reading Chinese in general. Need to just put more hours in.
   The other classes, not too bad. Sometimes I’ll occasionally microsleep, but actually I haven’t been doing too much microsleeping in class this semester. I wonder why…I guess I’ve been sleeping earlier, in general, this year than last year. For whatever reason, my body just can’t stay up. I’m not sure whether it’s physical, psychological, or a bit of both.

   I wonder, sometimes, what you’ve been up to. Obviously there’s the whole college thing, haha, and that seems to be treating you well…? I saw a mention of badminton once in a post of yours and I was like, “ooh”, haha, but I didn’t get to ask about it. I feel bad that I didn’t leave some comments on certain things, but at the time I didn’t want to leave comments for the (rather dumb) reason being that I was trying to write some entry (that didn’t work out, though).

   I think as usual, I might’ve been unintentionally beating around the bush, and at this point I’m going to cut myself off and try cutting to the chase.

   How to put it? I’m…not a fan of the gap that grew in our friendship. I’d still have to say that I don’t entirely know how this gap came about. I guess I have my suspicions (which mostly deal with me not knowing what’s going on), but I just don’t understand enough about this friendship thing to know if it has anything to do with me not keeping up with my end – just not trying hard to enough to keep in contact? Or I don’t know if this gap that I disliked at first sight is something that, at the time or now, you’re comfortable with. I don’t even know if you’ve read thus far into this entry, if you’re reading these lines now.
   What kinds of things help keep friendships going? We haven’t gone to the same school or grown up together or even live in the same area, and so the impression I get is that there’s not quite enough substance binding us, if that makes sense. I guess it’s that there hasn’t been enough shared history. I don’t know how well you can get to know a person in a week – actually maybe fairly well to some extent – but I think that without any continuation or renewal of contact, there’ll be unavoidable and natural change and drifting. I know that we know that friendship is a two-way thing, and I guess in a way that’s something that bothers me because I wonder if I haven’t been keeping up my end, or if you just don’t really mind letting things drift.

   I think I learned a lot from you, as I try to do with any capable person I have the fortune to meet, and I know I’d be a much different person if our paths hadn’t crossed. It’s no stretch to say that in a way, you’ve ended up having an impact on the new people I meet; and for sure, I’ll never be able to see a picnic table again without wondering about meteor showers.

   Life really just hasn’t been as fun when you’ve got a good friend who’s drifted. Is it too late for a bit of a smile and a “Hi” again?

Sincerely,
R.


   I don’t know that this entry has gone the way I’d have liked, but I’m done. Time to sleep.

monday

sometimes it’s just one problem after another.

can’t keep juggling all this stuff.

instead of complaining, should be studying. can’t do real studying in the apartment “home” environment…need to leave.

slept past classes, still sick. pretty bad day so far.

–” in badminton revisted.

Sooo. Pictures speak a thousand or so words, right?

not much to say about this. lion dance at birchwood manor for the 10/10 Flag Raising ceremony in the early morning. Dropped back off at Rutgers, eventually went to play badminton.

At about 6:30pm, in the midst of a game, both my badminton buddy and I jump for a birdie but neither of us see the other, him jumping back and me forwards…then next thing you know i hear a crack, feel my glasses fly away, pain in my left eye.

Now my glasses are in 5 pieces and I’m wearing my old glasses that I haven’t worn in a year+. But there’s no damage to me that I can tell, so I guess that’s what’s important. Needless to say, that ended our badminton session for the night.

I’m not really sure whether I should be more annoyed or amused. it’s just inconvenient.