day 2 in MA

i’m pretty sure that the more whimsical part of my personality starts becoming obvious when i’m tired.  for instance, i start getting urges to say (or write) things in a manner that i usually don’t.  or including semi-random phrases/sounds/whatever into things i’m writing.  i had a strong urge to start this post with the word “whee.”

i went to sleep earlier than usual last night, at somewhat after midnight, and early in the morning my little cousin, who routinely gets up around 6am, toddled over to the couch where i was sleeping and somehow woke me up.  he first offered me my little tube of toothpaste, then my glasses, then my ipod, and after i sleepily accepted them and thanked him (and put it all back where it was before–on the couch right next to me), he gave it all back to me again.  funny kid, that one.  and so i was up much much earlier than normal.

now it’s about 11pm. i need to make sure i sleep by 12 again, just in case of another early-morning wake-up call like earlier today.

i wanted to write about something.  but it’s slipped my mind.  perhaps later then. woohooarggoodnight.

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from moments in Cambridge

Just from a few hours of being at my cousin’s home near Boston, I’ve learned a bit and found even more to think about.

I think in the past day the biggest lesson that’s been reiterated to me is that there’s quite a lot to being a father or a parent.  I guess I mean, there’s a lot to being a ‘proper’ parent, or at least the sort of parent with whom I would be impressed with.  Attention to more details than I notice, knowledge that I don’t yet possess, skills I have yet to learn…my god.  I feel pretty stupid when I realize that I don’t even know how much I need to learn.  I don’t entirely understand taxes, mortgages, insurance…these are among the many important things that I must soon learn.

Sitting at the dining room table in the dark, when my cousin, his wife, and my aunt have all gone to sleep and it’s not even midnight (yeah need to break those college habits –“)…I’m already so glad that I had this opportunity to visit Boston.  I’m really impressed that my cousin and his wife are very capable parents.  I have a lot to learn.

All I know right now is that I first have to be able to take care of myself.  Without that ability, I do not think I can find much success in any of my other endeavors.

In my own estimation–which may be skewed–I have a long way to go.  But I think that if I find the motivation I sorely lack, I can go and do all that needs to be done.  There are many people who after I’ve met I’ve vowed that I would not grow up to become.  There are many lessons I’ve learned that I want to teach to children of my own.  I ponder the future sometimes, but there’s not much time to wonder about the future because I know I should be working to guide it the way I’d prefer.  I just…don’t know what direction I want to go in, or which direction I should go in, which is perhaps the biggest problem I have in college.  How to prepare for ‘the future’…?

The future arrives every time I open my eyes.

I will learn.

from moments in Cambridge

Just from a few hours of being at my cousin’s home near Boston, I’ve learned a bit and found even more to think about.

I think in the past day the biggest lesson that’s been reiterated to me
is that there’s quite a lot to being a father or a parent.  I guess I
mean, there’s a lot to being a ‘proper’ parent, or at least the sort of
parent with whom I would be impressed with.  Attention to more details
than I notice, knowledge that I don’t yet possess, skills I have yet to
learn…my god.  I feel pretty stupid when I realize that I don’t even
know how much I need to learn.  I don’t entirely understand taxes,
mortgages, insurance…these are among the many important things that I
must soon learn.

Sitting at the dining room table in the dark, when my cousin, his wife,
and my aunt have all gone to sleep and it’s not even midnight (yeah
need to break those college habits –“)…I’m already so glad that I
had this opportunity to visit Boston.  I’m really impressed that my
cousin and his wife are very capable parents.  I have a lot to learn.

All I know right now is that I first have to be able to take care of
myself.  Without that ability, I do not think I can find much success
in any of my other endeavors.

In my own estimation–which may be skewed–I have a long way to go. 
But I think that if I find the motivation I sorely lack, I can go and
do all that needs to be done.  There are many people who after I’ve met
I’ve vowed that I would not grow up to become.  There are many lessons
I’ve learned that I want to teach to children of my own.  I ponder the
future sometimes, but there’s not much time to wonder about the future
because I know I should be working to guide it the way I’d prefer.  I
just…don’t know what direction I want to go in, or which direction I should go in, which is perhaps the biggest
problem I have in college.  How to prepare for ‘the future’…?

The future arrives every time I open my eyes.

I will learn.

the wondrous world of Harry Potter

Just yesterday night, I went to the nearby Palisades Mall to watch the 9:50pm showing of the latest Harry Potter movie, “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.”  [Warning: unplanned spoilers may possibly follow].  Unlike most of the last few films, I generally enjoyed it.  Given that I hadn’t read the sixth book in a bit, I didn’t remember every detail, and that perhaps made the movie a bit more enjoyable than it might otherwise have been…but all the same, there weren’t really many moments when I was openly incredulous.

Harry Potter.  Something about his story resonates deeply with me, more so than with most other fiction books I’ve read.  Something about his story keeps it interesting when I choose to read it over again, keeps the magic of the tale alive despite the fact that I already know what will happen.  I think what appeals to me most about the story of Harry Potter is that it’s a well-written story that combines many of the things that I value.

When I read fiction, I don’t need to be reminded of reality.  I suspect part of the reason I used to read so much in my middle school/high school years was to escape from reality for a while and sink myself into another world.  J.K. Rowling successfully created a fascinating fantasy world that pulls in elements of the real world and integrates it into the tale.

One of the main reasons I enjoy the series so much is because there was a generally happy ending.  The hero and his most important friends survive.  The villain is vanquished.  Peace is brought to the land.  And importantly, all of the above was ingeniously done, masterfully woven together from events and objects mentioned even in the very first book.  I do so enjoy it when an ending is neatly wrapped up and all loose ends are tied.  I like happy endings–and therein, perhaps, is one of the main reasons I read fiction.  I like to see that despite the odds arrayed against some hero(es/oines), despite whatever hardships must be endured, that a person can still persevere and in the end triumph, can in the end achieve happiness/contentment/at least some kind of peace of mind.

When considering what I’d write after having seen the 6th movie, I didn’t think about it too much.  I figured I’d start typing and whatever would come, would come.  And I guess it was so.

Well.  Going to search for more happy endings.  Til next time.

close call w/cellphone

Interesting sort of adventure yesterday night/early this morning.

So yesterday night I decided I wanted to go see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.  I looked up movie times, decided I’d head to Palisades mall to catch the 9:50pm showing.  Drove to the mall and made my way to the theaters.  The movie started at around 10pm, and wrapped up at about 12:40am (relatively good movie, compared to the other ones at least). 

I went home, then noticed I couldn’t find my cellphone. Spent about 10ish minutes searching my room and the car, decided that it had to be back at the theater, then grabbed my mom’s cellphone and rushed back to the mall.

While driving, I called a friend whose # I remembered to ask about the latest movie time, and basically…I was cutting it close if I even had a chance.  Well, arrived at the mall. Ran in (doors were still unlocked though all other stores were closed), ran up four flights of escalators (some moving, others still), jogged to the theater, then realized I was going to have a  problem getting in, what with the closed one-way doors.  Seeing as how on my way in a few ppl were leaving, I figured I might have a chance if there were some stragglers…and luckily two ppl came out, I slipped in, prepared to explain why I was entering the theater at somewhat past 1am.  I wasn’t intercepted, so I walked to theater 2, called my phone, and heard it vibrating somewhere. Turns out it had fallen from my pocket (or so I assume) and lodged itself on the right of my chair, keeping the chair from closing.

I laughed to myself, took a picture, and made a mental note to check for my cellphone after any movie in the future.  Whew.

badminton club stuff

being “president” of something can be annoying sometimes. right now, as i’m trying to read/catch-up on emails, and trying to basically plan out things for next semester regarding badminton club…well, i get that feeling like i don’t really want to. i don’t know for sure exactly why i’m reluctant, but whatever it is, i don’t like that feeling. it keeps me from getting things done. i know i have a lot to do, that there’s a lot i should be doing, but it’s apparently difficult for me to START. very difficult, fighting against myself.

haha. it’s taken me almost a week to force myself to get started writing some of the emails that i’m sending now.

ahhman. what have i gotten myself into? it’s not like i don’t like having more responsibility. so. why am i afraid to step up?

and really,

what is badminton to me?

——————-

and also. i’m tired of doing stupid things. i think for a lot of days during the last week, maybe longer i don’t even remember, i consistently stayed up to around 5 or 6am. can’t do that anymore. hiding from living, apparently, even though i know that’s what i don’t want to do.

time better spent

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.”  -James Dean

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”   -Mohandas Gandhi

If you were to somehow learn, without a doubt, that you had only a
certain amount of time left to live, what, if anything, would you do
differently?

I think that if I were truly to find out that I only had a limited
amount of time to live, I would do many things differently.  To start,
I think the way I approach each day would be different.  I imagine that
my attitude towards people or towards most things might change in some
ways.  But my full answer (which I haven’t yet written) to the question
above bothers me in some ways.  First and foremost, it disturbs me that
the life I imagine in such a scenario is so drastically different from
the way that my life is now.

In this hypothetical situation, the changes I think would happen
would be primarily geared to force myself to really block out any of
the many annoyances that one might find in any given day, to filter out
distractions and focus on things I’ve considered important.  In short,
I think that I would be finally forced to try as hard as possible to
live life to the fullest that I can imagine it.  And so my answer
bothers me because it tells me a lot of things that I’m not doing right now.

If there’s anything I’m sure would change if my days were suddenly
numbered, it would be that I wouldn’t play any more videogames or watch
movies, unless it were with friends.  I think that I would do a lot
less worrying, which seems paradoxical in some way, but makes sense (at
least to me) when you consider that there shouldn’t be real cause to
worry about things known for sure.  I think that I would be less
bothered by any daily annoyances, less bothered by anything having to
do with my family, and generally more tolerant of some things in the
world.  So basically, if I were to find my days numbered, I would worry
less, I would appreciate my family and friends more, I would be less
hesitant and more confident, and really…I think I would be really able
to ‘live’ most of my last days more than I’ve really “lived” the
majority of my previous years (with the exception of some notable
occasions).  Those ‘notable occasions’ prove my point–those occasions
were usually the times where I was most immersed in what I was doing,
focusing on things at hand and on enjoying each moment instead of
worrying about the future or needlessly stressing over things that
really aren’t worth stressing over.

I had come to the conclusion, years back, that most things weren’t
worth stressing over–that ultimately, whether or not a given issue
affected a person was solely the choice of that person–but I think
somewhere in the last year or so, I had forgotten to not care.  I
think, while trying to care more about things, I forgot to not care
about the things that I shouldn’t let affect me, to ignore the things
that aren’t worth spending time or energy worrying about.  Seems like
the things I shouldn’t care about are about as important as the things
I should care about.

I wonder how difficult it might be to change the way a person
lives.  By that, I suppose I mean I wonder how I might go from the
semi-life that I live to really living each day to the fullest.  I
guess huge changes aren’t easy once a person’s settled into a
comfortable routine, but I won’t quite lose all hope that change can
happen.

So I’ll work on caring less, and caring more…trying to live a little bit more.

time better spent

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.”  -James Dean

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”   -Mohandas Gandhi

If you were to somehow learn, without a doubt, that you had only a certain amount of time left to live, what, if anything, would you do differently?

I think that if I were truly to find out that I only had a limited amount of time to live, I would do many things differently.  To start, I think the way I approach each day would be different.  I imagine that my attitude towards people or towards most things might change in some ways.  But my full answer (which I haven’t yet written) to the question above bothers me in some ways.  First and foremost, it disturbs me that the life I imagine in such a scenario is so drastically different from the way that my life is now.

In this hypothetical situation, the changes I think would happen would be primarily geared to force myself to really block out any of the many annoyances that one might find in any given day, to filter out distractions and focus on things I’ve considered important.  In short, I think that I would be finally forced to try as hard as possible to live life to the fullest that I can imagine it.  And so my answer bothers me because it tells me a lot of things that I’m not doing right now.

If there’s anything I’m sure would change if my days were suddenly numbered, it would be that I wouldn’t play any more videogames or watch movies, unless it were with friends.  I think that I would do a lot less worrying, which seems paradoxical in some way, but makes sense (at least to me) when you consider that there shouldn’t be real cause to worry about things known for sure.  I think that I would be less bothered by any daily annoyances, less bothered by anything having to do with my family, and generally more tolerant of some things in the world.  So basically, if I were to find my days numbered, I would worry less, I would appreciate my family and friends more, I would be less hesitant and more confident, and really…I think I would be really able to ‘live’ most of my last days more than I’ve really “lived” the majority of my previous years (with the exception of some notable occasions).  Those ‘notable occasions’ prove my point–those occasions were usually the times where I was most immersed in what I was doing, focusing on things at hand and on enjoying each moment instead of worrying about the future or needlessly stressing over things that really aren’t worth stressing over.

I had come to the conclusion, years back, that most things weren’t worth stressing over–that ultimately, whether or not a given issue affected a person was solely the choice of that person–but I think somewhere in the last year or so, I had forgotten to not care.  I think, while trying to care more about things, I forgot to not care about the things that I shouldn’t let affect me, to ignore the things that aren’t worth spending time or energy worrying about.  Seems like the things I shouldn’t care about are about as important as the things I should care about.

I wonder how difficult it might be to change the way a person lives.  By that, I suppose I mean I wonder how I might go from the semi-life that I live to really living each day to the fullest.  I guess huge changes aren’t easy once a person’s settled into a comfortable routine, but I won’t quite lose all hope that change can happen.

So I’ll work on caring less, and caring more…trying to live a little bit more.