Just from a few hours of being at my cousin’s home near Boston, I’ve learned a bit and found even more to think about.

I think in the past day the biggest lesson that’s been reiterated to me is that there’s quite a lot to being a father or a parent.  I guess I mean, there’s a lot to being a ‘proper’ parent, or at least the sort of parent with whom I would be impressed with.  Attention to more details than I notice, knowledge that I don’t yet possess, skills I have yet to learn…my god.  I feel pretty stupid when I realize that I don’t even know how much I need to learn.  I don’t entirely understand taxes, mortgages, insurance…these are among the many important things that I must soon learn.

Sitting at the dining room table in the dark, when my cousin, his wife, and my aunt have all gone to sleep and it’s not even midnight (yeah need to break those college habits –“)…I’m already so glad that I had this opportunity to visit Boston.  I’m really impressed that my cousin and his wife are very capable parents.  I have a lot to learn.

All I know right now is that I first have to be able to take care of myself.  Without that ability, I do not think I can find much success in any of my other endeavors.

In my own estimation–which may be skewed–I have a long way to go.  But I think that if I find the motivation I sorely lack, I can go and do all that needs to be done.  There are many people who after I’ve met I’ve vowed that I would not grow up to become.  There are many lessons I’ve learned that I want to teach to children of my own.  I ponder the future sometimes, but there’s not much time to wonder about the future because I know I should be working to guide it the way I’d prefer.  I just…don’t know what direction I want to go in, or which direction I should go in, which is perhaps the biggest problem I have in college.  How to prepare for ‘the future’…?

The future arrives every time I open my eyes.

I will learn.

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