mountains, molehills, something in-between?

If some things in life must annoy me, I refuse to let them be the small annoyances. There are issues much more deserving of my time. There are tons of things to be done, countless things to be learned, life waiting to be experienced.

It does rather bug me when some things stress out my friends, or at least, my closer friends, because I feel that if stress must be present in our lives, let it come from more serious things. I understand that i’ve come to see things that way due to some series of life events, and that not everyone can necessarily view things that way, but I’d still think that it’d make sense for people to find ways to live less stressed and more full lives.

Of course it’s a matter of perspective as well as one of relative impact–people do have different ideas of “big” or “small” problems. Wouldn’t it be nicer for most people if they could see their “big” problems as “small”, and feel less stress, and still resolve the issue?

And few things bug me more than seeing people I care about upset, and not really being able to help, or not being sure what to do to help.

I dunno what to do, sometimes. I try, but maybe this is a case where the solution, if there is any, is one that has to be found on a case to case basis. When I encourage a stressed-out friend to try to relax, or take a mental step back, I do mean it, even if the message doesn’t register.

I dunno. It’s one of the ways I try to show that some people matter.

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I suppose what was said earlier about selfishness makes sense. I guess those are some things that I look for or expect. I can’t help but wonder, in that light, what kind of benefit I provide.  What am I here for? As a somewhat familiar and helpful friend? As a supposedly knowledgeable upperclassman/Rutgers resource?

What am I to you? Or to any of my friends?

I feel like I misunderstand what a friend should be, maybe because I’m looking for some deeper connection. There’s no doubt there’s something interesting here, but what that might be, I don’t quite understand. I’m trying to live in the moments, without wondering too much. I’d wonder what I’m valued for.

What am I looking for?

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profile pictures

Occasionally, people will use pictures i’ve taken, usually of them, as a profile picture. I always think it’s interesting when that happens–I wonder what it is about that particular picture that makes that person want to use it, even for a while, to represent themselves to the “world”.

I wonder what any person tries to tell the world with his/her choice of profile picture…wonder at the impression that the person wants to give, and if that’s different from the impression that people actually get.

mm.

wanna write stuff

have been considering things to write about, am pretty sure i can come up with some satisfying entries off the thoughts i’ve got spinning through my mind…but somehow always run out of time or something. like now i need to sleep.

grr.

Lake Mercer Dragonboating with CSO

Such a tiring day.

Friday had badminton practice, packed courts again.

Afterwards, went to chill in McCormick, ended up heading to CAC to grab bubble tea, got frozen yogurt and bubble tea, returned and did a few things including omgpop.com’s letter blox, etc. eventually shifted into the lounge where we played scattergories for a long while, then i taught how to play munchkin booty. so we embarked on a pretty interesting game, which we played almost to a conclusion (most of us at lvl 9) but then we noticed it was almost 6am…which was the time that Peter had said he was going to pick me up.

So I threw some stuff together and ran/fast-walked to Richardson, tossed some stuff into my bag, met Peter, drove to BCC to wait for some ppl, then headed to Wawa to grab breakfast, then to Lake Mercer, where we arrived late.

then basically…i was one of the people helping on one of the docks, so we helped people load and unload themselves before and after a race.

so many hours. at the end of it all, the CSO volunteers got into a dragonboat and we were given a crash course in dragonboating. pretty interesting, but super tiring.

finally after that, we got out of the boat very wet, rather cold, and super hungry. so most of us went to eat at a sushi restaurant in Princeton that begins with a ‘K’, has like a sushi buffet kind of thing for $20. sooo tasty.

then finally driven back to Richardson, arrived at like 10:30 or so. took quick shower. doing a few last minute things.

and then i’m going to turn in for the night.

the new roommates

hahaha…so I came back to Richardson from McCormick tonight at close to 3am, and as I get to the apartment door I hear loud voices inside. I walk inside, and am rather surprised to see two of my roommates still up, with a few friends over, chilling in front of the TV and with an open White Castle crave case, which they’re in the process of developing.

So instead of immediately trying to “study” or going to bed, I join in a bit, eat a few burgers.

hahaha…i like my roommates. mad chill, friendly. definitely pretty lucky.

birthday weekend

hmm. this birthday weekend’s been pretty interesting, i think. didn’t expect the second birthday surprise haha, but was pleasantly surprised.
lots of…iuno, different things, i guess, since this particular semester’s started. more on that another time, i hope.

i wonder why i’ve kinda been posting a bit less…but i think i might have a good idea. got a lot of unfinished posts sitting in “drafts”.

another year

another autumn day
will soon have gone away
at a surrogate home
it’s Rutgers, i know
hmmmm

maybe surrounded by
a thousand people i
still feel all alone
sometimes it shows
i wonder, you know

^ adapted lyrics from “Home”, on whim.

4:30am.

i think the first four hours of today have been ok so far, ’cause in my opinion the best way to spend a day like this is in the company of any of those few people who help me feel content.

i guess we’ll see how the rest of the day goes.  i’ll hope for the best.

First day of classes was today. It went interestingly, seeing as how I didn’t finish tweaking my schedule until like 11:30am.  Got a few things done today, set up some basic work study times already, so at least some things have been productive.

The class I went to today was Earth and Life or something like that.  Luckily enough, it’s the only class I have on Busch campus this semester.

I think I was pretty excited in class, for some reason I’m not entirely sure about. Haha I don’t know if I’ve ever been quite so excited to be “in class” before.  My theory is that it’s got something to do how I know I need to do well…and I dunno. I think I’ll do well this semester b/c I haven’t quite felt this enthusiastic to do stuff before. Hmm.

I wonder if I should be concerned at all in my semi “mood swings” haha.  I kinda think that it’s b/c certain things tweak my mood rather quickly.