If some things in life must annoy me, I refuse to let them be the small annoyances. There are issues much more deserving of my time. There are tons of things to be done, countless things to be learned, life waiting to be experienced.

It does rather bug me when some things stress out my friends, or at least, my closer friends, because I feel that if stress must be present in our lives, let it come from more serious things. I understand that i’ve come to see things that way due to some series of life events, and that not everyone can necessarily view things that way, but I’d still think that it’d make sense for people to find ways to live less stressed and more full lives.

Of course it’s a matter of perspective as well as one of relative impact–people do have different ideas of “big” or “small” problems. Wouldn’t it be nicer for most people if they could see their “big” problems as “small”, and feel less stress, and still resolve the issue?

And few things bug me more than seeing people I care about upset, and not really being able to help, or not being sure what to do to help.

I dunno what to do, sometimes. I try, but maybe this is a case where the solution, if there is any, is one that has to be found on a case to case basis. When I encourage a stressed-out friend to try to relax, or take a mental step back, I do mean it, even if the message doesn’t register.

I dunno. It’s one of the ways I try to show that some people matter.

—————————

I suppose what was said earlier about selfishness makes sense. I guess those are some things that I look for or expect. I can’t help but wonder, in that light, what kind of benefit I provide.  What am I here for? As a somewhat familiar and helpful friend? As a supposedly knowledgeable upperclassman/Rutgers resource?

What am I to you? Or to any of my friends?

I feel like I misunderstand what a friend should be, maybe because I’m looking for some deeper connection. There’s no doubt there’s something interesting here, but what that might be, I don’t quite understand. I’m trying to live in the moments, without wondering too much. I’d wonder what I’m valued for.

What am I looking for?

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