i’m not sure what exactly is wrong. something is…very odd. i’ve basically turned nocturnal these last few days. i think i’ve put a combined 40+ hours into playing dragon age. i’ve gone to the dining hall like…twice? three times? four might be pushing it, but i don’t even remember. i’ve barely checked my email, and i don’t think i spent more than 10 seconds tops on any of the emails i glanced at.

what is going on?

at this point. i really don’t understand why these last few days have been like this. everyone else is busy with finals, and these last few days i don’t think my sleep schedule has ever been as off. i think i’ve gotten out of bed when it was dark a few days in a row now. even right now the sky is brightening, as it’s apt to do at around 7 in the morning.

and this is one of my better days.

i can’t do this.

i think it’s all part of a deeper problem, probably what’s been plaguing me all these months. i can’t put words to it exactly. i didn’t see it coming, though. there hasn’t been any really wack stuff happening. i’ve got fun friends and am getting to know some of them better, hanging out with interesting people. so it’s not that.

i forgot that i even had work wednesday. i intend to get up in around 4hrs and go to work.

one of a few parts of dragon age that struck me profoundly was during a part when one of the in-game characters was talking about living on borrowed time, and on how everyone is “dying”…that people should try to make the best of the time they had. and i thought, yeah, that’s the mindset that i’ve been trying to adopt and actually put to use; and i took a mental step back, understanding i was sitting in front of a computer, which was ironic in a sense.

these last few days after getting out of bed it’s usually been around a regular student’s dinner time, and i’ve usually taken the excuse to walk to the dining hall/campus center so as to get minimal exercise plus more importantly, to try to think a few things through and clear my head. obviously i hadn’t made very much headway.

well if i can fall asleep soon after i’m done with this entry i’ll consider that a very small victory, considering that it’ll be one of the earlier days i’ve slept these last few days.

it’s been so ridiculous these last few days. i hate wasting my life. i don’t want to do that. i’m not sure what to do otherwise.

i have to restart. GO!

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One thought on “defying gravity

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