growing

and almost before i know it, it’s 2 hours past the time i wanted to sleep.  not that i’m really all too surprised, though, but at least the time was spent productively, aka sending emails and messages that needed to be done.

I’m taking a few minutes–ideally–to write this entry b/c I’ve been conflicted at times this past day.

My schedule this semester is going to be busier than the past few years, perhaps.  I’m taking 6 classes and 18 credits total, which to some isn’t that much, but for me is going to be different because I have the full intention of doing well in all these classes, somewhat unlike in some previous semesters.  Along with the classes, I’m still trying to take part in Verse|One as a dancer and semi-teacher; I’m for the moment the President of RU Badminton Club, though we’re starting the process of transitioning in new officers (perhaps I’ll feel relieved to be free of it haha); I’m still VP External for Reach Out and Read while we’re planning the biggest event we’ve ever planned this semester; I intend to still help out with CSO and TASA in certain events; I’ve been looking into helping out NJPIRG when possible; I want to make sure I work at least twice a week in work study; and I want to do more than that.

I believe the semester is off to a good start because I’ve been doing more in the first week of the semester than I have in any previous years, I think.  Something happened in the days or weeks before Spring ’10 semester started, or perhaps it happened as a result of coming back to Rutgers after the break.  Whatever it was, I came back feeling ready to DO things, and I’m trying.  I’m trying, I’m doing, and there’s still more to do.

After dance practice today, and after dropping by Winkler to talk to a friend about some badminton stuff, I was feeling kind of down.  The hookah smoke back in the apartment didn’t help and it wasn’t til somewhat later, maybe like…now…when it’s quiet and all is still, that I feel a bit more at ease.  I was trying to figure out the source of the negative emotion, and again I realized that one of the things I will do in the coming days is continue to work on controlling what affects me.  I saw a quote earlier, from Gandhi, that reminded me that peace comes from within and shouldn’t be affected by outside circumstances.  I believe in the truth of that and recognize that I have yet to find or make that kind of peace.  But I will work on it.  I know that outside circumstances, including people or events, still affect me more than they should.

Even without making resolutions, I’ve been doing better this semester, but I need to wait until another 2 weeks in.  If I am still keeping up with what I am supposed to, then I’ll be glad.

I need to press on, and remind myself continuously that I am more capable than I give myself credit for and that I need to challenge and develop myself, continually, non-stop; I need to learn, I need to observe, I need to grow better and better; I will not let negativity and the negative parts of my mind overwhelm me.

I will grow.

Good night.

new life

so 2 of roommates and i just noticed the second in a series of “new life”, so to speak, in our apartment, this time in the coffee machine. basically there’s mold/fungus growing in the coffee that someone left in the filter.

a few days earlier we’d noticed an amazing amount of the similar white (at first) fungi growing in the rice cooker alongside the rice that was in it.

we have one rather…absent-minded roommate. or just irresponsible.

this is a new one…I think of it as organic chemistry in action, though i like the way one of my roommates described it–“a whole new world”.

resolve

in a little less than 3 hours, i need to be in bed. that’s what Sundays are going to have to be like, I think, given the 9:15am class on C/D Monday mornings.

I like the way the semester has started off, meaning how almost every day has been fairly productive (which definitely has something to do with going to bed earlier.)

There is something inherently and intensely satisfying about doing the kinds of things that I know I should’ve been doing. Granted, it’s…kind of late for a lot of it, but as Gabe said a few days ago, if that’s what it took to learn those lessons…so be it.

Something has changed again, this time for the better. If I can stay focused enough and focused correctly, I’ll be good.

It’s good, in so many ways, to be back. Now let’s get going–emails wait to be written, chapters wait to be read, and tests of all sorts lie before me.

We shall see.

first day of classes

it’s close to 2am and i’d wanted to be asleep at around 1am. but i only just finished tapping out the multitude of emails that needed sending, most of which were badminton related.

hahaha this first day has been pretty packed, fairly productive, and overall i’m pretty pleased.

if i can keep this going that would be great.

obligations

i think i’m a bit afraid to sign into email since in some way i’m reluctant to see the things i have to do.

it’s dumb, and i think i understand what i’m afraid of, but somehow that doesn’t quite make it all easier to face.

i need reminders to re-inspire myself every so often.

haha. back at school, really need to get down to business. one more day of break, kind of, and then comes this spring semester.

remember.

mark twain quote

i was going to write a more complete post a few days ago but it’s saved into “drafts” yet again, waiting for completion.

i like this quote:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
-Mark Twain