and almost before i know it, it’s 2 hours past the time i wanted to sleep. not that i’m really all too surprised, though, but at least the time was spent productively, aka sending emails and messages that needed to be done.
I’m taking a few minutes–ideally–to write this entry b/c I’ve been conflicted at times this past day.
My schedule this semester is going to be busier than the past few years, perhaps. I’m taking 6 classes and 18 credits total, which to some isn’t that much, but for me is going to be different because I have the full intention of doing well in all these classes, somewhat unlike in some previous semesters. Along with the classes, I’m still trying to take part in Verse|One as a dancer and semi-teacher; I’m for the moment the President of RU Badminton Club, though we’re starting the process of transitioning in new officers (perhaps I’ll feel relieved to be free of it haha); I’m still VP External for Reach Out and Read while we’re planning the biggest event we’ve ever planned this semester; I intend to still help out with CSO and TASA in certain events; I’ve been looking into helping out NJPIRG when possible; I want to make sure I work at least twice a week in work study; and I want to do more than that.
I believe the semester is off to a good start because I’ve been doing more in the first week of the semester than I have in any previous years, I think. Something happened in the days or weeks before Spring ’10 semester started, or perhaps it happened as a result of coming back to Rutgers after the break. Whatever it was, I came back feeling ready to DO things, and I’m trying. I’m trying, I’m doing, and there’s still more to do.
After dance practice today, and after dropping by Winkler to talk to a friend about some badminton stuff, I was feeling kind of down. The hookah smoke back in the apartment didn’t help and it wasn’t til somewhat later, maybe like…now…when it’s quiet and all is still, that I feel a bit more at ease. I was trying to figure out the source of the negative emotion, and again I realized that one of the things I will do in the coming days is continue to work on controlling what affects me. I saw a quote earlier, from Gandhi, that reminded me that peace comes from within and shouldn’t be affected by outside circumstances. I believe in the truth of that and recognize that I have yet to find or make that kind of peace. But I will work on it. I know that outside circumstances, including people or events, still affect me more than they should.
Even without making resolutions, I’ve been doing better this semester, but I need to wait until another 2 weeks in. If I am still keeping up with what I am supposed to, then I’ll be glad.
I need to press on, and remind myself continuously that I am more capable than I give myself credit for and that I need to challenge and develop myself, continually, non-stop; I need to learn, I need to observe, I need to grow better and better; I will not let negativity and the negative parts of my mind overwhelm me.
I will grow.