Friend, I too feel a measure of dissatisfaction–not the same kind you and I had been talking about a few days earlier, but the same kind of feeling nonetheless. It doesn’t stem from this recent roommate/buddy foolishness, but in some way resulted from that and a few other things.
I returned from dance practice two hours or so ago feeling drained. The short talk with the roommate accomplished almost nothing and didn’t help. Attempting to help a neighbor with Chinese wasn’t very productive. I decided to make some hot chocolate and read a bit and got as far as making the hot chocolate and picking up “Happiness Hypothesis” (HH) when I realized that reading wasn’t going to work in my current mood. So I ended up making more Costco microwavable “chow mien” and plugging in laptop again to do some writing/thinking, which brings me to here.
It seems that my blog writing, here or in Xanga, have actually been a greater help than I’ve realized when it came to overcoming certain times of stress. According to HH’s chapters on adversity and its effects, regular writing about people’s problems proved to be a great help in the subsequent months, because the writing helped those people to sort out their thoughts on whatever issues had been plaguing them. I found those chapters very interesting because I think I can relate…putting issues out in words and being forced to sort them out a day at a time eventually did cause me to form a coherent history of what happened, and as HH says, the benefit comes in ultimately making sense of the previously tangled.
Recent insights from HH advise that in situations where the environment is causing stress, my options include: changing the situation; changing my views (adapt); or switching environments. For the time being I’m just going to maximize time away from the room(mate) and maximize time doing things.
Actually, I just re-read an article from a bit ago that I’d saved onto my computer, about Randy Pausch, the late Carnegie Mellon professor famous for his “Last Lecture”…I had started reading it earlier today (in class…to help me stay awake), and having just finished it, I actually feel a bit better in a hard to describe way. It could be that compared to the things he did for his children, preparing for his death and preparing so that there would be something of him and the lessons he would’ve taught for his young children, that my own dissatisfaction about working on my mindset just pales in comparison and really doesn’t feel like an issue anymore.
Hmm. I’m finally beginning to feel a bit sleepy, but the 3+ cups of hot chocolate I had are urging me to stay awake a bit longer to let it digest…or something.
More thoughts await a coherent entry much better than this one, so I’ll be back soon. For now, good night.