Time flies…on wings of lightning, so they say. I guess I believe it.
Back from CSO Semiformal, instead of heading to devin’s house for assorted games/partying. All in all it was pretty good, food was filling. Haha I like the dressed-up look for others & myself. In retrospect I’m kinda glad I let myself be convinced into attending, last-minute. I still don’t quite fit into this whole scene, I think, and that has to do…with a few things I guess, for better or worse. Still, I enjoyed the company of the people I knew.
I think I’m just unsure of what I want or where I want to fit in, and I wonder if sometimes I’d do things just because the alternative is to be doing nothing. I’ve got this strange feeling that I think has to do with…being close to something important and not knowing what I should do about it, and knowing that the answer is important. I think that’s a bit of what’s been making me a bit uneasy.
I don’t like being sick, or feeling lost. Kinda want to go for a jog, considering walking to Somerset on CAG. No more studying for now, at least not for tonight…going to resume that over the weekend, I guess. Sometimes I just don’t want to deal with the mess of emails and things that piles up.
We’re not done yet, but this semester and the last one have been good…maybe the best. Is it because it’s almost the last one for me? Partly, I suspect. But I think I’ve been really lucky to experience so many different things–by that mostly meaning lifestyles–during my stay at college, through the different friends I have. I see that people have fun in all sorts of ways, whether it’s in nights of boardgames or nights of beer games. Sport clubs, Greek-life, cultural organizations…gamers, dancers, and so much more. It’s all…people looking for a niche, gravitating towards the familiar or, in my case, mostly looking for something to focus my energy on. What if I’d been more involved with CSO or TASA, or known about the AACC earlier? Or what if…what if…hahaha. I think I’m a bit “late” to almost everything, in adjusting to high school, or college, or just doing things. By the time I get to know what I’m doing, I have to move on. And do I bite off more than I can chew? Perhaps. I want to do so much.
And really, I’m so glad for the good people I’ve met along the way. Different as they are in their interests, activities and aspirations, they’ve all taught me something; have all served as examples of the kind of person I could’ve been and the kind of person I might yet become. I appreciate the moments we’ve walked together, however long or short. I appreciate the lessons you’ve all taught me, explicitly or otherwise. I appreciate seeing you in your elements, working hard, playing hard, showing me how you live and helping me discover what living means, along the way. Most of you will never know it, but…thanks. Thanks. I’ve got a long way to go and there are paths I’m eager to explore. With a bit of luck and effort, there’ll be others keeping me company at different points along the way.
Hmm…throat feels better than before (the nap before RCDT practice probably helped), I hope tomorrow it won’t be any worse, seeing as V|1’s dancing at VSA’s ABC.
It’s almost 1am and…I’m really not sure what to do with myself. I don’t like being indecisive but I can forgive myself for sometimes just not wanting to do things alone.
“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.” –Confucius
I chase moments–preserve them in pictures, make them at any time, enjoy them any time; I want to understand, I want to experience, I want to learn, I want to help, I want to teach, to laugh and dance and spend time connecting better with the interesting people in my life. I’m curious–how might I bring out a fire within? Hahaha…that’s what friends are for, I guess.
I try to live.