Negativity is quite insidious. I think i’m usually okay at ignoring it but certain areas more than others–the things I really care about, I guess–cause me to lose track of being optimistic, subtly nudge me into a negative mindset–which, as I’ve read about recently, just breeds more negativity. That is not ever what I need.

What made me realize that I was being negatively influenced was rereading some quotes:

“Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you!”    –Christian D. Larson

“These are my words to you: Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create that fact.”   –William James

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”  –Howard Thurman

These particular quotes make me realize a few things. For one, I’m reminded again that it’s so easy to fear life and the unknown, that it’s easier to establish some set pattern and then trudge it into oblivion than to force yourself to engage with life and everything it comes with. I’m reminded of the importance of being motivated–“what makes you come alive”–and how much of a difference focus can make.

I think I’m scared sometimes, maybe a lot of the time, by the uncertainties before me. This fear of the unknown is pervasive and also insidious but is really counterproductive to what I need to do. But I also have this relatively new passion for life too, and I think fear of uncertainty and desire to live clash sometimes.

So sometimes when I’m feeling down, or when I’m letting stress get tome, I’m not sure whether to withdraw–talk less, move less, do less–or to pretend that nothing’s wrong and just go on being energetic the way I prefer to. I think the inner dilemma there is that people won’t know anything’s wrong if I don’t show it…and is that how I’d want it? There’s some kind of cognitive dissonance thing when I’m pretending to be cheerful, but I’d rather be genuinely cheerful.

I don’t know what brought about this…zest for life, but I’m infinitely glad for it, because every day has been so much fuller since realizing that life is really pretty short and that it’s infinitely better to live than to stagnate. I guess that’s why I find the quality of enthusiasm–people who like and actually try to live life–attractive. Accordingly, one of my greatest fears is that of stagnation–essentially, getting stuck in life. But I know with the right state of mind, it can be avoided.

My biggest battles are in my head, against myself. But negativity has no hold if I remember to stop fearing life, to not worry about the things I can’t change–to hold in my mind and heart the ideas I cherish, to know that who I desire to be, I become; that belief is the starting block on the path to reality; that although I don’t always fit in, there are still people out there who appreciate who I am and what I love, and that those few are ones I’ll always be thankful towards.

Honestly? Sometimes I worry too much about what other people think of me or my (in)actions, and of things I have no control over–that definitely wastes my time and sets the stage for additional unnecessary and undesired stress. Sometimes I’m too attached to things and to people, because I just dislike the idea of being alone.

Curious as to what answer I’m talking about in the title of this post? Hmm…something like, I’m going to put more focus on being positive and seeing positives, on trying not to let things get me down, on being who I’d like to be, on caring about the people who matter, on looking for ways to make my life and other people’s lives better.

“Today is it. Are you living your life? With passion, conviction, and pure joy? What about love? Do you seek it out? Do you believe and soak it in? Take the time now to breathe and wonder and feel and rethink your life. Your dreams. You.”

Self-talk…success.

I think…you’re a really interesting person and it would be nice to know you better.

BBL–life’s calling.

🙂

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2 thoughts on “n answer, for now

  1. and I quote…

    “*completely agrees*

    definitely not worth being angry/bitter…we can spend our time in so many more worthwhile ways!”

    I felt like this is an appropriate comment for ya – you know make it a complete circle

  2. hm maybe i should add to my comment. i think it’s great that you’re moving forwards. i myself realized being negative gets in the way of a lot of things. you tend to miss the great moments that don’t get repeated very often.

    i think what i meant to say in my previous comment was i think you always knew being negative was not good and now it looks like you’re really applying it to your life now.

    mmhmm.

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