uneasy

i feel like something is off again, but i can’t tell if it’s the same thing that i’ve felt a few times these past few months or if it’s something somewhat different. i feel like i don’t want to do anything, and i’m hard-pressed to make myself enjoy the things that i normally enjoy. internal conflict of some sort. and i have this other inclination towards being in quiet solitude to figure this out, even though another part of me wants nothing more than to be in the company of those who i feel comfortable around.

i wonder if this feeling has been something that in earlier years i’d never really noticed, instead misinterpreting its signals as some kind of boredom and distracting myself with games, fiction, badminton, etc. but the feeling stands out more than ever now and at this point i prefer to figure out whatever’s bothering me internally so that i can continue to move forward confidently and energetically.

i wonder if what i feel is the weight of some imagined or urgent necessity. perhaps the push to establish more of a firm direction in my life?

amusing stuff

It just occurred to me that in the last few days some things, new & old, stood out as being pretty cool/impressive/amusing and I wanted to quickly jot some of them down haha. The following list is in no particular order.

I like…

  • Asian supermarkets
    • the nearby Asian Food mart on Centennial is big, has everything from an asian bakery to filipino snacks, is generally quite awesome, and requires more visits in the future.
  • Mochi ice cream
    • need I explain?
  • Bacon potato soup
    • I don’t think I’ve had this before–I think I’d remember having something this tasty, seeing as how I’ve always liked a good potato soup–but I’m impressed that my housemate can make this delicious soup. Extra extra bonus & respect points hahaha.
  • Pixar movies
    • specifically, Ratatouille. I see now why Nancy & my sister like it so much, and even thinking about the movie makes me both hungry and want to learn how to cook things…mmmm haha.
  • Cool movie/game trailers
  • Exercise buddies
    • Werblin and other gyms are all nearby, but it’s a given (for me at least) that a buddy makes it much easier to actually make the trip.
  • Nancy
    • *likes*
    • see bullet under mochi ice cream ^
  • Asian-oriented housemates
    • the majority of the 11 of us have some degree of Asian blood, from full to some fraction to, well, none (for the two light-skinned guys), but at least one of them buys liberally from the aforementioned Asian Food mart, and in the end they’re both fun haha
    • we got free furniture. we’re fairly cautious. mostly pragmatic. sometimes creative (not ghetto). we reuse what’s easy to reuse. score for Asian-influenced lifestyles hahaha 😀
  • Subletting
    • assuming subletters (apparently Google tells me wiki says that’s a word) are of non-questionable quality, they make each of our costs go down! and they can be pretty fun. We’ve got the board game club president (and many board games), an old friend of mine, and many more who are subletting. it’s true that the house may seem a bit crowded at times but we’re not always in.
  • LifehackerReader’s Digest articles
    • learning how to tie my earphones in a tangle-free way; visually memorize how many cups are in a gallon; tips the grocery markets apparently won’t tell me; 13 things a burglar won’t tell me; life and lifestyle suggestions; and much more. Hooray for Lifehacker and similar sites!
  • Familiar Gen I & II Pokemon (& emulators haha)
    • Thanks to VBA, I finally understand the draw of Pokemon games and have sunk many hours already into Fire Red. We suspect the version may be hacked but it’s still awesome.
    • I think I’m a Squirtle/Charmander person, but Bulbasaur’s a close second/third.
    • Hmm I like Cyndaquil, Totodile and Chikorita, though Typhlosion and Meganium are both pretty cool.
    • Mudkip=good stuff. Treecko, is ok. Torchic still reminds me of a drumstick.
    • Dratini/Dragonair/Dragonite –> definitely want them on the team
    • obviously I approve of Dragon-type Pokemon
    • trying to catch Moltres: spending ~35 Ultra Balls, 5 Great Balls, then catching it with my single regular Pokeball…of course –“
  • 4shared.com
    • music? sheet music? ebooks? assorted files? this is my primary source for basically anything i’m looking for online. AND account-holders get 10GB of free online storage?? sign me up. yep. i like 4shared.com.
  • Air conditioning/fans
    • the AC proves its worth on those particularly hot days. the heat’s a bit more bearable indoors during the day, though admittedly it can get muggy, but trying to sleep when it’s hot and stuffy is tough.
  • Picture-taking
    • having this 365-day photo journal project almost always in the back of my mind makes everything just a bit more interesting, makes me think a bit more consciously about how to turn any situation into a photo, what it would look like and what it’d convey, etc. I’m glad that the good old Canon SD700 IS has stayed with me this long and hope that despite its occasional hiccups it’ll hang in there for much longer. I’d like a new camera but am in no hurry to get one, and there’s no doubt this one has been serving me well.
  • Beach
    • yeahhh, I know this was last week, but I’m including it because I remember thinking how the blue skies, lighting, and everything make for really interesting pictures! and of course those aren’t the only reasons beach trips can be fun hahaha.
  • Instrumental music
    • my taste in music has generally been pretty broad, but since the middle of March (when my headphones disappeared), I haven’t been listening to music on a regular basis and nowadays I haven’t really been listening to music all too much. Lately I’ve just been listening to instrumental tracks, including Mae’s Seasons, and assorted game/movie soundtracks (The Last Airbender, Jade Empire, Final Fantasy).

  • Subway
    • or more specifically, their$5 foot-long sub sandwiches. The amount of food you get for the price is great, not to mention you can feel somewhat healthier eating lettuce, tomatoes and onions as opposed to a Whopper or one of its equally unhealthy relatives.

    I think muggy weather plays makes me feel sluggish and a bit sleepy. Nothing against sleeping or naps, but if it’s all the same, I’d rather save the sleeping for nighttime and be fully alert as much as possible. Though I must admit it’s sometimes hard to hold off the urge to nap.

    Edit: just woke from a ~2hr nap. Getting the bullet points and spacing exactly the way I want them seems like it’s taking more effort than it should be –”  Time to get some work on this essay done haha.

    train rides

    While taking the train down to RU earlier today, I was thinking about how long it’s been since I’d ridden the train to Rutgers from home. I first learned how to navigate the system, at least from Ramsey station to New Brunswick station, during freshman year, when I would come home most weekends for various Chinese school related activities. Each year after freshman year I would go home less, due to a combination of reasons, until finally last year I barely went home at all except on school breaks and certain other occasions.

    Riding the train has been interesting. The two hour ride gives me plenty of options of what to do depending on how I feel. If I’m tired, I can get a good amount of napping in. If I’m energetic, I can read a book, draw stuff, or just indulge my imagination and daydream. Like with any kind of downtime, the options are limited only by my imagination and inclination.

    Not a huge fan of the rates though haha.

    track B at Secaucus Junction
    a familiar sight

    summer days

    summer has been going by. The house is interesting in a bunch of ways, and considering the amount of people we have, I suppose things have been working fairly well thus far. Mostly jugglers at the house but a bunch of orgs are represented haha, from juggling to board game club, badminton to engineers without borders.

    Today: wake up to alarm, snooze. wake up, get up. barely awake through class. meet at RSC. back to the house. chilling –> leaving later than planned. driving driving. Point Pleasant beach. warm sand. submerging feet. boardwalk & butterfly fries (aka fresh potato chips or saturated fat on a plate). basking in the sun. plenty of pictures (and poking). assorted relaxing. back to the car. napping/driving. back on the banks. and tillll next time.

    waterfront
    at Point Pleasant!

    we spent only an hour or so at the beach but overall, the day was quite worthwhile, delays and all 😀

    i was kinda amused thinking about how certain activities make time go by quickly. part of what’s nice about these summer days is all sorts of distractions hahaha.

    summer updates

    It’s probably going to take a few more days or so to get over the surreal feeling of being at the house.  I still feel a bit of that ‘extended sleepover’ kind of feeling, not too different from the first few months–maybe the entirety–of freshman year in college. Having morning class two days a week for the first summer session is strange too for a few reasons. To get to class I have to walk to the bus stop at RSC, which is about 5-10min away, then catch an EE, then walk to Hickman. Class is about 2hrs long and it doesn’t help that I don’t have an enormous interest in the subject matter.

    Rooming with an old friend, even if he’s just subletting for a month or two during the summer, is a welcome change from rooming with someone I’m not entirely comfortable with, which…might kind of describe the past four years. Some of these past years might’ve gone better if I could’ve roomed with the people I hung out with, but in terms of people who are in my year that I hang out with, they mostly got into a house on College Ave for the last two years.  Speaking of house, the house at Dix St is pretty nice. It’s more of a walk away from campus, yes, but internally it’s quite nice. Two floors, a basement, and an interesting attic room, make for a fairly solid house.  I’m currently–possibly temporarily, depending on how soon we can dehumidify/clean the basement–in a room on the first floor, which fits the two of us fairly nicely.

    We won’t have Internet access til tomorrow, when the Optimum people are supposed to come in. This lack of internet has been interesting in a bunch of ways. I kind of feel more productive in certain ways because I don’t have that option of just spending hours browsing Facebook or whatever sites I can manage to entertain myself on. All the same, I’m sure I’ll be a bit relieved once the Internet is up and running so that we do have that option should we need it. Along the lines of stuff that I’ve been doing since I don’t have internet is this entry, which I’m currently typing up in OneNote (actually a pretty cool program), which is a good thing because I keep meaning to type up new entries and really haven’t gotten to it.

    It seems like a lot of my gear is having issues. The trusty Blackberry Pearl has been defunct for a few weeks by now and the familiar RAZR that I’ve been temporarily using in its place has a very short battery life, so one of the first pieces of gear replacements that I want to make is phone-wise. Camera started having problems a week or so before the phone died, but thankfully it’s fully functional with the exception of the last bit of zoom. Part of my glasses just almost fell off last night but with the help of some Krazy Glue I think I’ve temporarily held off that problem. The laptop is still fully functional (*knocks on wood*) for now, thank goodness. Hmm and the iPod Touch hasn’t been seen since the last day of finals I believe, which is rather…annoying. It’s making the iPhone option appear more attractive though, that’s for sure. Well, after we get internet a new phone is one of the first things I’m going to research.

    Phone call break haha.