Making space for thoughts to coalesce

A light run in the half-wild suburban night does wonders to clear my head.

Ideas form and coalesce as I move. I return home with slick skin and a clearer mind.

I realized…

I am seriously drawn and attracted to smart, strong women: women who are sharp of mind, open in heart, free in spirit, playful in manner and true to their values — who won’t be controlled by me or the world around them. A pretty face or melodic voice can turn my head, but I enjoy seeing who are the few who make my mind resonate with enthusiasm.

I unknowingly lose some respect for those who delegate their decision-making power and their critical thinking, for those who could think for themselves but choose not to out of laziness.

I’m not bold and decisive (or ruthless) enough to be Gold — at least, not Peerless Scarred. Not yet. This only lightly bothers me. What I demand from myself is greater boldness and decisiveness in the pursuit of my aims, enough for me to trust myself to make mistakes as I grow.

The consistent pursuit of a big goal always leads to an interesting lesson or gain. As long as the pursuit relates to a priority, it’s usually worth following.

There may not be much evil in the world. Just people behaving in their own interests who are shaped by their environments and those around them. Hating others seems like an unfortunate emotion because it stands as a convenient excuse to blame and demonize others for living according to their own beliefs, instead of doing the hard (and probably scary) work of empathizing and understanding. Perhaps when a person takes the time to empathize and understand another, they realize just how little separates them from being like that which they did not want to understand. After all, it’s harder to hurt someone just like you.

Growth and actualization are so important to me because I want to live a deep, authentic, deliberate, freeing and fulfilling life. I can’t do that unless I lean into the edges of those areas most important to me: physical readiness, mental sharpness, ability to help and shape the world around me, romantic relationship, friendship. So I press into physical challenge enough for most others to think me a fitness enthusiast. I press into social dynamics and social skills and emotional development to become the kind of person who interacts with others naturally and charismatically.

I like the idea of top performers playing to win but not being afraid to fail.