I see you, habits, addictions, attachments. You’ve been part of me for a long time but you cannot help me go where I must.
I see you, gathered before me:
Anxiety, worry, self-doubt. Your very appearance proves the absence of the fears you prompt. I learned a long time ago that worry is interest paid for a debt that might never come due. You’re a good reminder to be always present.
Perfection, being right; controlling; knowing, certainty. You’ve long enabled me to stay where I am, or move in small steps when I needed to stumble from great bounds. I can tell that letting you go will be rough, but it’ll be rough just for me and not you because you’re an illusion just like the others. What will I do without certainty, you ask? Simply pursue the Vision and take action; want without need.
Being liked, respected, understood, accepted; external expectations. You’ve shaped me since the first moment I came into contact with people other than myself. And now almost three decades later, I finally notice your role in causing pain for me and others. By your nature, you pervade and influence what we do. Not always in a bad way but usually not in a way that enables the growth we find from thinking for ourselves. I see you lurking behind the sentiment, “You buy things you don’t need with money you don’t have to please people you don’t even like.” Nothing wrong with buying or pleasing. But it’s time to move forward in life guided by the compass within and not by the multitude of signposts without.
Judgment. I used to feel better about my insecurities when I could find ways to feel superior to other people. I’ve seen people who take comfort in feeling inferior or like victims. What I seek now are perception and clarity–those precursors to action–without an addiction to judgment.
Shame, remorse, regret, guilt. Will you still exist if I free myself from shame and blame, then act always from love, compassion, authenticity, understanding?
Comfort. The only easy day was yesterday. Today I civilize the mind and make savage the body so that my most fundamental tool is prepared to thrive in life’s challenges.
Thank you for shielding and supporting me when I needed protection from the world because I didn’t understand vulnerability, authenticity or confidence. I am hardly enlightened now, but have enough of the right experiences and influences to see that growth and maturity–of the sort I need, anyway–is found in pursuit of the uncomfortable and in what I fear.
I see you, attachments. You’re no longer needed in the man I am growing toward.
It’s time to go free.